Epiphany

I am SO gonna kill my patients....

I really should have gone into archaelogy or philosophy or actually just stick to being a research scientist or a psychologist.

There comes a point when you realise you just aren't really that capable of being THAT hardworking. Does my lack of motivation to do well bode well for my future patients? I think not.

It's not that I don't love the course, I do... As you all know I'm bloody lazy to work hard for ANYTHING... including relationships. Call it laziness, complacency or hubris but whatever it is, it ain't doing me any good.

The most sickening part is that I know that I have the potential to be so much better than this and that if I really tried, I could do really well but I don't. Why? God knows.

I need to get interested, really interested I think. I have no difficulties remembering the diagnostic criteria, history and possible aetiology for schizophrenia, unipolar depressive mood disorder, bipolar affective disorder, certain anxiety disorders and a handful of personality disorders but I can't seem to retain any info about which nerves go where and which muscles do what in a human body or the detailed process of the Krebs cycle.

Interest and motivation are my greatest assets and my greatest weaknesses. I'm too set in my ways, in my outlook. A love for psychiatry has blinded me to the need of passing everything else along the way to being trained in it. One thing at a time, take it a step at a time.

Anyways, must really go to bed now, final paper for the term in the afternoon. Will write more after.

Ciao.